you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
