I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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