Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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