In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
