you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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