True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
