Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
