He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
