That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
