was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
