It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize