Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
