My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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