Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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