She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
