I don't remember. Are we still dating?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I still have a little drunk in my system
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
