Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
