there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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