This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
