At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
