Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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