there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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