we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
