I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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