we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
