Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Crop dusting thru forever 21
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize