Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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