I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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