she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
