He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
