we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
