She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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