Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish I only lived at night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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