Will you blow on my dice?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
