i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
