The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
