i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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