so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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