He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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