and she was petting her beer can
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
