The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude. I can hear the air.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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