Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We need a shit load of segways right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Text me some of your sweat
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
