:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
