Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize