Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
