New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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