What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
