And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drake has all the answers
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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