So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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