I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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