I'm really into asian looking animals
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
