i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
