hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
