The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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