So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Small penises have feelings too.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
