I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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