Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
