I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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