Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
