wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize