hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
