Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
