Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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