ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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