Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
