Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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