wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
