I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We smell like vodka and hangover
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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