Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize