connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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