i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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