yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
