they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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