i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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