I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
