oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
