My cat gives me a boner
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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