I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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