FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
