and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
