sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
