I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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