Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
