But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
