I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
