Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
