I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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