First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
