well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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