he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
