its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
